The Beginner's Guide To Understanding Your Resident Fangirl

Sunday, December 20, 2015

Fangirls/boys are peculiar creatures. They have moods of varying degrees. The object of their affection varies from fan to fan. They may stay up late at night with reason none other than to finish their book. On being excited, they may let out an ear-piercing shriek or jump with joy. When dealing with a fangirl/boy, one must proceed with extra caution. Failure to understand the cause of their distress may lead to injuries, maiming, decapitation, etc. 

And so, in the interests of individuals living in the vicinity of a fangirl/boy, I have put together a comprehensive guide to understanding them. This guide will teach you the hidden meaning behind their words and actions. I wish you the best of luck on handling your resident fangirl/boy in the future.

#1. They usually seek solace in the Internet.

When fangirls can't find anyone IRL (in real life) they usually seek out like-minded individuals across the World Wide Web. It is generally not good practice to confiscate this type of inter-fangirl communication, and one must proceed with caution when criticising these online friendships.

(Like, seriously. Those people are not stalkers/murderers/pedophiles. We like the same books, so obviously they cannot be anything but trustworthy.)

#2. Asdfdgjkl;dkgjuslj'

This is generally a fangirl/boy's way of expressing their emotion. The meaning of this string of nonsensical letters could mean anything, from "I AM SO EXCITED" to "KILL ME NOW!" to "I have fallen asleep on the keyboard, please excuse me". (Though the last one is not a common occurrence). The best way to respond to this is to adkjh;akdfh in return or go ALL CAPS, with lots of exclamation marks(!!!).

#3. "I cannot even"

There are many variations of this, including "ASKDJAFGH I CANNOT EVEN" or "I LITERALLY CANNOT EVEN". This phrase is usually used when a fangirl/boy is so overwhelmed with feelings (or "feels") that they cannot function. 

(And no, it isn't an incomplete sentence. Have you peasants never experienced feels before? THEY ARE OVERWHELMING. SOMETIMES YOU LITERALLY JUST CANNOT EVEN. IT HAPPENS, 'KAY?)

#4. They will occasionally let out ear-splitting shrieks.

 Once you have made sure that they are relatively unharmed, at least physically, leave them in peace. The best way to proceed in this instance is to give them a comfortable environment, and possibly, chocolate. Lots of it. And most importantly, do not ask them what the matter is, ESPECIALLY if you are going to scoff at them.

(Seriously, DON'T. 

"What's the matter?"

"[REALLY AWESOME CHARACTER] just died!! *sobs*"

"Oh, is that all? Pshh."


#5. Remember to feed them and make sure they get enough sleep.

One must be delicate in doing this however. NEVER interrupt a particularly emotional moment, but make sure they are sufficiently clothed, fed, and rested. (You have at least make it look like they are normally functioning human beings, after all. Social image is something most fangirls are not concerned about.)

#6. And lastly, never, never, EVER, insult a fangirl/boy's objects of affections. 

These things could be books, movies, bands, actors, anything. Some fangirl/boys are a fan of more than one of the above. It doesn't matter. Above all else, just NEVER insult the thing that the fan is passionate about. You could end up dead. (Or worse, expelled.)

(For the sakes of fans everywhere, PLEASE. Just because you might not understand a fan's passion doesn't mean you can insult it. Different people are passionate about different things. Yeah, you might not get why that girl READS so much ALL THE DARN TIME, but give her space. She's doing what she loves, and you don't get any say in it, okay? Okay.)

are you an unapologetic fangirl?? isn't it annoying when people just. don't. understand?! do you think this list might be helpful?? what are your pet peeves when it comes to being a fangirl? Tell me all, fellow fangirls!

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